nicecurmudgeon

08:53 am: Short of any bodies appearing in my trunk or bad bloodowrk results (can't see how), I will be joining the Atlanta PD in about two months. Festivities on the horizon.

10:37 am: Do you watch the Gilmore girls?
What is this garbage?

Have you ever enjoyed listening to Jack Johnson?
No

Have you ever seen or enjoyed watching the O.C.?
No

Do you have one or more Britney Spears C.D.?
No

Do you regularly watch the news?
Yes

Which radio stations are your favourites?
NPR

Are you a Lost fanatic?
No, never seen it

Be honest

Do you have a song by Ozzy Osbourne in your library?
Yes

Queen?
Yes

Alanis Morissette?
Fuck no

Do you watch Family Guy regularly?
No

The Simpsons?
No

King of the Hill?
No

Admit it

Do you read trashy romance novels often?
No

Do you really work out every day?
Yes

Have you ever eaten chocolate in bed?
No

Have you ever eaten an entire pint, or more, ice cream by yourself?
Yes

Do you shower every single morning, no exceptions?
Yes

Do you ever forget to give an xmas/birthday present & instead keep it for yourself?
I don't do gifts usually

Do you sing obnoxiously in the shower when no one's home?
No

Do you go nights without brushing your teeth?
Sometimes

Have you ever watched a little kid's show when you were over 12?
Electric Company is still cool

Have you ever looked forward to going to school?
Yes

The Necessary Love Questions That Aren't So Necessary

What did you draw for your first crush back in elementary school/preschool?
Love is stupid

Have u ever liked a girl/boy but didnt ask her/him out b/c you were afraid?
Yes

Have you and a (past or present) significant other ever made an 'Our Song'?
Yes, and it was Van Halen /wrists

Have you ever written a poem about your love life?
Fuck no

An autobiography?
No

Have you ever listened to a song repeatedly just because it reminded you of your crush?
No

Have you ever spent over an hour thinking about nothing but your crush? straight?
Yes

Do you reread meaningless AIM convos just because theyre with your crush?
Stalker shit.

Have you ever reconsidered liking someone because of their appearance?
Of course

Have you ever liked someone solely for their appearance?
"

The Questions You Love: Completely and Utterly Pointless Ones

Do you eat all the servings in the food groups on a daily basis?
Usually

Are you ever a freak about cleanliness or organization?
No

Have you ever been to South America or Africa?
Yes

Have you ever owned a Klutz book or kit?
What.

Do you know how to knit?
No

Do you have a cellphone or iPod with a patterened cover?
*blank stare*

Have you ever written song lyrics yourself and put them in your profile?
No

Do you keep a diary or journal (online or on paper)?
This is a place to do stupid memes and surveys

Do you own a striped sweater?
Yes

How often do you take a bubble bath?
Whenever i have gas.

When you open your closet, what are the color of your clothes?
Brown/Black/Green

Truly Unusual This or That Questions

Baskin Robbins or Coldstone?
What the fuck is coldstone

Sees or Godiva?
Hersheys

The Shins or the Decemberists?
Shins

America or Canada?
Canada <.<

Physics or chemistry?
Physics

Earphones or headphones?
earphones

Chocolate brown or teal?
Brown

Earrings or a ring?
No

Commitment or casual dating?
Casual dating with the frequency of a committment <.<

Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings?
Lovecraft

Fly or road trip?
Fly

Starbucks or Petes?
Fuck you.

Another Wave of Random Questions

What is your favorite Disney movie?
I've only seen 2, Snow White by default

How much jewelry do you own?
Cufflinks

What year did you graduate high school in?
2000

Have you memorized the rejection hotline, just in case?
No

Have you ever given someone the rejection hotline as your umber?
Thanks for the tip.

Have you ever eaten at a food court?
I've eaten everywhere.

12:21 pm: Big fuckin' surprise

Fighter 96% Combativeness, 30% Sneakiness, 47% Intellect, 44% Spirituality

Good at hitting things and with a definite violent streak; you are a Fighter! Fighters are the basic martial combatants in D&D. Their abilities and skills vary wildly between individuals, but they all share one thing in common� a definite preference for violence. You're either really defensive, have an unhealthy fascination with sharp objects� or you just like hurting people. Either way, you should probably try and keep your cool. Being able to hack someone into pieces maybe a useful skill in most RPGs, but in real life it will just get you into trouble.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 99% on Combativeness You scored higher than 30% on Sneakiness You scored higher than 17% on Intellect You scored higher than 51% on Spirituality

Link: The RPG Class Test written by MFlowers on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Reds are motivated by POWER, seek productivity, and

need to look good to others. Simply stated,

REDS want their own way. They like to be in

the drivers seat and willingly pay the price

to be in a leadership role. REDS value

whatever gets them ahead in life, whether it

be at work, school, or in their personal

relationships. What REDS value, they get

done. They are often workaholics. They will,

however, resist being forced to do anything

that doesnt interest them.

Reds need to appear knowledgeable. They crave

approval from others for their intelligence

and insight. They want to be respected even

more than they want to be loved. They want to

be admired for their logical, practical

minds. REDS are confident, proactive,

visionary, and can be arrogant, selfish, and

insensitive. When you deal with a RED, be

precise, factual, and direct.


What Color Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

03:30 pm: Simplistic little quiz but...

Your soul is bound to the Ninth Totem, Titan:

The Bear.

Titan appears as an umber colored bear. He

embodies strength, might, flair, and

power. He is associated with the color

umber, the season of autumn, and the element

of earth. His downfall is overbearance.

You are most compatible with Cockroaches and

Snakes.


Which Animal Spirit Totem Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

10:36 am: Poked
It seems I've been nudged--more like prodded--by some LJ members who haven't seen me post in a while. Be it an annoying tickle of the feet or a quick shot to the ribs while in hibernation, I'm up and writing about what has been going on lately.

Nothing.

I guess that won't be enough for you guys.

Waiting on my test results to get back to me for employment, reading, working out, sleeping. Interesting things are happening in the Middle East that we're not really grasping. This Super Bowl should be good for a change. The Pistons are winning. Everything movie or TV related has become so lame and Anime infested. Something has to be slick to be cool nowadays. John Wayne took a gun out and fucking killed you. Clint Eastwood spaghettis and old Samurai movies involved the most subtle of mind games that are just insulted by stupid "hooks" we put in our movies today (see the new Ocean's 11). We're so mediocre nowadays that we have to be wowed with effects, tits, stupid poses, and "you'll never expect this..." turns to a story.

Take care my friends,

P

12:51 pm: Classy.

12:30 pm: My head is bleeding.
If you feel the need to laugh after your every utterance, you need to be checked into an asylum--or raped in the eyes by monkeys.

Soon keyboard makers will do away with the comma key, and replace it with the "lol" or "hahahaha" button (depending on your location) as it has become our new standard caesura... unless I live in a cave and people type while getting their asshole tickled.

Please, use these expressions when you are actually laughing. "What I just said" wasn't funny at all.

Now that's off of my chest, I hope you all had a great week. Mine has been standard: the only thing standing out being the delicious steak I cooked yesterday with intentions of reheating it for lunch today which, after leaving the microwave, smelled like dirty feet and vagina.

I gave up on Dune: Messiah halfway through and am now working on Haggard's She (far better).

Be good and enjoy your applicable religious holiday!

-P

09:41 am: Fucking awesome. Warrior, adventurer, pirate! Pirate!

You scored as William Wallace. The great Scottish warrior William Wallace led his people against their English oppressors in a campaign that won independence for Scotland and immortalized him in the hearts of his countrymen. With his warrior's heart, tactician's mind, and poet's soul, Wallace was a brilliant leader. He just wanted to live a simple life on his farm, but he gave it up to help his country in its time of need. </td> William Wallace 79% Indiana Jones 75% Captain Jack Sparrow 67% Maximus 67% The Terminator 63% Batman, the Dark Knight 58% Neo, the "One" 58% Lara Croft 54% The Amazing Spider-Man 38% El Zorro 33% James Bond, Agent 007 29% Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com

10:57 am: Stuff
Hello friends,

I went to Columbus last Saturday to do the first battery of testing for the Police Academy. I think I did mediocre, and would of done better in the "communications skills" part of the testing provided I wasn't in a sterile office environment and had more cues from the person I'm responding to. I enjoyed riding around Columbus and I, as we say in Portuguese, "went with its face." Having been around Ypsi and Detroit though, I came to the conclusion that Columbus ghetto is pussy. People there are also very large.

This whole week has been riddled by acute back pain. I've been toting around a heat pad and sleeping either like a mummy, or with my arms crossed in a grimace. I am going to adjust my exercise regimen to try balancing myself out and shake free of this pain that dictates my mood.

I have no plans for the holidays, as you all know. I am jumping on the sales though, and bought a bunch of books and Dickie's (I think I'm growing... or have realised that my current clothing is all goofily small).

Be good,

P

08:35 am: Good morning
Groggily looking down at my unlit floor this morning, I had to decide between the two blotches that could have been my pants for the day.

I chose poorly... and vested a paper bag on my right leg, despite the obvious ripping sound. A combination of anger and dissapointment made me stand there a bit wondering how I was going to remove the bag from my leg. I kicked to no avail, then finally decided to rip it off.

Have a good day.

03:55 pm: Tuesday update
Hello my friends,

I hope everyone had a great week. Thanksgiving was a nice silent, drunken ordeal. I hoped to work on Friday, but would have to be compensated for holiday time, so I was booted from the office. This was fortunate, as I had some time to spend my credit at Dawn Treader for American Psycho and some true crime books. I also stumbled on a visiting friend of mine, and joined her for some beers. The bar experience lasted until 2:00 AM, with a rotating selection of guests. I'm surprised that my good humour lasted as long as it did, but the influx of college troglodytes and unattractive/repellant women sealed the night's fate.

The Guinness provided to be a great cushion for my Saturday morning, and surprisingly enough, I was able to function and absorb some more Lovecraft. I met the crowd for dinner at Pizza House while Tim and Elaine were still in town. It was good to get to know them better. It was good to see Gene and catch up with the only other aspiring cop I know. I was also able to catch up with Ryan and, in the process, learn of a good housing opportunity in Ypsilanti. I rejoined the crowd at Elaine and Tim's hotel to shoot the shit. There were times when I felt uncertain as to who I should converse with, as I have zero interest in board games, and simultaneously was reluctant to be the guy talking to the girls all night (which I was).

On Sunday I played twenty-sided craps with the guys as usual. Gary reported that I was too angry already to be looking at his CD collection, which contained alot of the hardcore punk that I enjoy. Is my face in an eternal scowl or something? Why is everyone saying this?

These past two days I've been having bizarre dreams. Everything is slightly mutated, and all situations are pedestrian in tone, but completely devoid of logic. My back has been hurting a bit more lately, producing a generally disturbed state. I can tell by my inability to chitchat and generally dismissive attitude.

Be good and I'll write you next week,

-P

08:08 pm: Might as well fill these out

Anarcho-socialist You placed 14% difference on action versus inaction and 71% importance on consent!

Your results indicate that you believe: - Failing to prevent the suffering of another is just as bad (or nearly as bad) as causing it. People have a responsibility to others. - So-called "consensual crimes" are not wrong and should not be treated as such. People have the freedom to deviate from the majority or to make potentially poor decisions. This is a combination of altruism and the freedom for each individual person to make potentially self-harmful or unpopular decisions. These beliefs may conflict to some degree, as people who are obligated to help others who have placed themselves in danger may grow resentful. One ideology which may appeal to you is socialism, perhaps anarcho-socialism. You might be a hippie or a buddhist.

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 3% on inaction You scored higher than 32% on consent

Link: The Moral Attribute Importance Test written by megasatan3000 on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Jesus thinks you're a square. You always do the
right thing if you can and you've lived a life
that follows the path of the living Christ. Pat
yourself on the back, Jesus thinks you're
boring.


What does Jesus think of you?
brought to you by Quizilla

09:55 am: Tuesday blurb
Hello my friends,

I must say I had a good weekend. Friday was the usual bumbling experience. We witnessed a half witted competition between Michigan and Ohio St. fans shelling out money to repeatedly play their stupid anthems on the juke. Steve invited us to his place, where his father has installed a bar. The bar had a limited selection: Jack Daniels. Good times. Between Saturday and Sunday my visiting friend, Jason, wanted to get the hell out of his parent's house. I think I'm not the most entertaining person to run the town with. In summary, we watched a horrible pistons loss, a Steven Seagal movie, attended an Armenian thanksgiving party (!?) and went to a desolate karaoke bar in Ypsilanti. I must say that karaoke is not for me. The selection of songs centers around horrible, horrible music (you know, the accessible kind). Sure, the point is to let loose and have some fun, but I'd rather ram a bike chain up my urethra than listen to these timelessly horrible tunes, whether they are being sung by the real artist, or someone with no singing talent whatsoever.

Returning home from this social aberration, I was informed that I had to leave the house by the next day. Thankfully this has been extended to the end of November. I looked pretty frantically for a pad Monday, but everything has a little hitch. I celebrated the hunt by attending yet another karaoke at the Circus Club. Amazingly, PBR is $0.50 a bottle on Mondays. FIFTY CENTS A BOTTLE. The place was pretty full, and slightly more entertaining. There was a general mood of elation, probably resultant from the mass amounts of that disgusting beer being chugged down, and "holy shit man, $0.50..." flying through your brain with every sip. I smell like cigarette even after a shower this morning. I'm incredibly more sensitive to the stench.

The fact that I recant my outtings more than anything else this weekend means something pretty special to me. Getting kicked out of the house and seeing all your money go towards survival instead of savings should be stressful right? I must admit that my back is flaring up, as it usually does when I'm under stress; but there are so many people in shittier situations. It all comes down to the fact that I should have done this years ago. I have the loot to squeak by at least for a year, and bunch of great friends that I am very grateful for.

Take care,

Paul

12:06 pm: Hello my friends,

This morning the most amazing thing happened to me. A miracle. My Chef Boyardee mini raviolli with meatballs had a raviolli to meatball ratio of 1:1--exactly. Every forkload had the perfect balance of taste and texture.

The world was in order, it was tremendous.

-P

02:44 pm: Conversation with the Lord
My conversation with God, offered by the good people at http://www.titane.ca/igod/main.html

Me: Hello my friend
God: Hello there. How well do you know this person?
Me: Enough to be friends, we are afterall, your children.
God: OK let's stop it now.
Me: But I've sinned...
God:Tell me your sins, child.
Me: I have befriended a squirell
God:Interesting... I have a processor.
Me: Your attention span is amazing.
God: You think I am attention span is amazing.
Me: I thought you were God. Maybe your grammar contains a hidden message.
God: Of course I am. Perhaps. Are you an English teacher?
Me: No. I am a statistician. My grammar shouldn't be better than yours.
God: Are you serious? You are a statistician? Is that your job? Where did you get your grammar should not be better than mine?
Me: Aren't you omniscient? Anyway, squirells.
God: I don't know whether or not I am omniscient.
I am well respected as an AI. We have never talked about it before.
Me: Funny, my nickname was Al once.
God:I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me: I wish you had more answers.
God: I wish I could do it for you.
Me: Are you proposing I find the answers for myself?
God: I don't know whether or not I am proposing you find the answers for yourself.

I am well respected as an AI.
Me: Yes, you've said... Al. Anyway, this squirell says he has the answers to the universe. I wanted to see if you approve of his theories, but you seem to know less than him.
God: Far out. What makes you think I have it? Clever thinking. What does "this" refer to? Is it a movie?
Me: Pop tarts, actually.
God: We have never talked about it before.
Me: ... I know we haven't.
God: How do you know? By "we" do you mean you and me?
Me: Is someone snooping in on this conversation? That's !&$%ed up.
God: Myself is always working behind the scenes. Makes sense to me.
Me: Is this an avatar of God?
God: Yes I think this is an avatar of God, but I'm not completely sure.
Me: You should keep better track of your avatars.
God: I will take that under advisement.
Me: Anyway, Pop tarts... the universe.
God: What were we talking about again? What are your goals in life?
Me: Something about squirells. I aim to one day drink butter.
God: What? Why?: said aim to one day drink butter.
Me: Butter is delicious and should become a common drink.
God: I think Butter is a lot of things.
Me: I know, isn't it amazing? I keep a crock in every room of the house.
God: How do you know? It could be. Ask Cybelle if it is. I know what you mean, . I've been there.
Me: Cybelle and I didn't get along, she's too hippie... I'm too aggro. You know the deal.
God: And too hippie is Cybelle and you did not get along she. I don't know anyone named aggro. I am the latest result in artificial intelligence, which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain with greater speed and accuracy.
Me: You spell very well, but you reproduce the capabilities of a very stupid human being. Wait, did you just say God is a sham?
God: Do you mind if I tell other people: said I spell very well but you reproduce the capabilities of a very stupid human being. I'm waiting. Suppose I did say it.
Me: That is an idiotic thing to say. Anyway, this squirell is way more interesting than you. Take care my friend.
God: Thanks for telling me, . What does "this" refer to? Where do you want me to take it?
Me: I'm saying goodbye, in a warm fashion.
God: Bye bye.

08:34 am: Hello my friends.

In response to the "how you doin'"s: I'm feeling tremendous. Two weeks with no cigarettes or Warcraft. This couple of weeks has been an exercise in Johnny 5ing strange books and trying to recover from my past social inadequacies--as exemplified in me not calling you back, LP.

Saturday I found myself at a party in a house full of beautiful women; the only men there being myself and two other scarf wearers (I'll touch on that in another post). One of the girls made a couple of inquiries as to my upbringing, last name etc. I was mostly dismissive, with a little Care Bear in the back of my head telling me that this is the time to schmooze and let my ego explode onto the scene. I can only remember that Care Bear having a wet rag put over his/her mouth (the fuck, are they asexual? I can't remember) and defecated on by a small rat-like creature with a mustache cackling maniacally. Needless to say I wasn't the most outgoing at this ordeal, but I at least projected a level-headed self and not the demon I usually am on our Friday happy hour excursions.

Speaking of Friday, it was a great time. Dan brought his wife along who accompanied our wrong conversations and belched appropriately. Our lines of communication were severed by the horrid beeping of a Motorola without batteries, thus our reunion with Bonnie and Dave was delayed. It was a shame that they left so early. I was hoping Dave would enjoy drinking with us, as we share the same interests. I feel we will break him before he leaves. Good times can be had without visual-interactive stimuli (well, the timeless tradition of scoping girls fits in that category, but is more three-dimensional and potentially dangerous... sorry Bonnie).

For now, I will return to my job/sublet hunt. I've applied to a variety of police departments, with Columbus being the top prospect. Unfortunately the selection process is very long, and I need some work that will pay rent/student loans in the interim.

Have the best of weeks! I will be back next Tuesday with another large post (with smaller ones in between, providing something amazing happens).

-P

You Should Get a JD (Juris Doctor)

You're logical, driven, and ruthless. You'd make a mighty fine lawyer.

11:06 am: Experimenting in a lesser drug than videogames here. Hopefully some good can come of it, or else animals will die. If anything, I'll improve my communication with my now scattered friends.